The hummingbirds sing

Why, good morning beauties and beasts! I woke up quite early today. 7 A.M. was it? Anyway, I decided not to go back to sleep, not that could have, so I brushed my teeth and went downstairs. It wasn't new that my mom would be there up and going. I was considering going right back upstairs because I didn't want to hear any yelling or anything, but I didn't. To my surprise, we came off really good. I went outside to grab a gallon of water for my mom, and I look up to find a hummingbird fluttering around my garage. Another one flies near not too long after I seen the first one. They flew in circles and sang as I lightly watch them frolicing around my atmosphere. It was my second time ever seeing those little creatures. The first time I've ever seen one was with my dad. My dad loved planting, growing beautiful gardens of flowers and trees. Back then, seeing a hummingbird wasn't such a big deal. Since his death, my family has been going through so many issues with each other. It's not like things would have been good if he was alive now, since my parents were divorced since I was young, but it would have helped a little bit if he was here. Anyway, off subject - after seeing those hummingbirds this morning, I felt alot of peace and happiness. I know it's not like they hold magic beneath their wings or anything, but.. I felt like.. my dad paid me a little visit. I smiled and went back inside and spent quality time with my mom for about two good hours or so. Today I might go job hunting with her. I bet working with my mother would be really interesting. Anyway, so I was watching Mulan II over like five times because I was too lazy to change the DVD or find the remote to change the input. I swear I cried almost everytime I watched it when it comes to the part where Mulan and Shang went seperate ways near the Mongolian ambush, where at the end of the fight, one of the Mongolian cuts off the bridge and he lets go of Mulan's hand :( Although I know he's still alive, I still cried LOL.. I'm supposed to be working on a piano cover all weekend, hopefully my cousin come over with his guitar. My sister and her husband are coming back home tomorrow from Thailand or where ever they went. She better have brought me back some stuff from Japan and Thailand! JUST KIDDING LILY! I'M NOT EXPECTING ANYTHING.. -grins- Well, I'm excited she's coming home. I've missed her. I'm going to change the dvd, finally, and find something entertaining to watch. Hope you all have a lovely day, thanks for reading!

Fear

Topic inspired by an old teacher who previously passed on. R.I.P. Ms. Andrea Guerin.

One of the biggest questions next to the definition of love, what's the definition of fear?

fear: (noun)
"a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid." -dictionary.com

What EXACTLY is the purpose of fears? Why do we have them? Is it really necessary to fear? To me, fear itself is all so deceiving as if life itself wasn't cheating enough. I think it's ridiculous that we're able to fear the many things and people that surrounds us. Then again, if there was a world where people weren't so afraid of anything, the world would be pretty disastrous. We wouldn't be so scared to do this and that. I bet there are people who has the weirdest fantasies of destroying just about anything and everything, not to mention the situation between the Germans and the Jews. Being fearless can also be a good thing; in that case, if the Jews weren't so afraid of getting caught by the Germans, I bet they would have provoked the Nazis right back and many of them would have probably been safe and good to go. But anyway, as I was saying, fear gives us all a horrible conscience. The ability to fret over the smallest things or the biggest of a deal has caused us all to be so vulnerable in life. I think that fear holds us all back from a life we never had. As I stated how deceiving fear can be, I meant that I've noticed some people fear things they haven't tried or seen. How can you be so scared to do or try something when you have no idea how will turn out like?  It's all assumptions. I hate assumers. I wonder how it would have been if we were never revealed to recognize such a feeling. The only question that still lingers, is why does fear have to exist? Life would have been so much easier..

Bou went home just a while ago. As I'm sitting here alone, I'm thinking to myself how scared I'm going feel to know I'm close to dying. It must've been hard for Ms. Guerin to lie in the hospital for days, weeks, or months even not knowing what might happen. It brings me flashbacks to the tears that flowed down my father's face before he left me. All I know, is that I wish to never have that same expression on my own face that he once had. I've never felt so sad through another person in my life. It must've sucked for my dad to know he doesn't have much time left in life, to know he'll be leaving the people most important to him, to know he will never be able to eat his favorite foods, or hear his favorite music, or do the things he love to do ever again. I always told myself how I'll never be scared to face death, but the people around me are making it hard for me to keep my fearless attitude. I've never wanted live on so bad. To imagine myself in the depressing darkness of eternity unable to speak, unable to hear, unable to move, unable to feel ever again, has become the most saddest thoughts in my mind and will stick with me until the day I actually die. At the moment, I can only thank the sweet sound of myself still breathing.

McCain VS Obama

I bet McCain is going to win, because Hilary's on Obama's side after talking shit about him. Schemey white bitches, she's up to something D: OMG whore, I bet she seduced him and he's suddenly willing to do anything she says. If anything, I should be president. This whole seven years shit with Iraq is becoming RIDICULOUS. Bush just wants his ugly monkey ass in the history books in schools and what not; well, NO ONE CARES. If Iraqians want to hide weapons and shit, then let them. Soukanya and I had a debate over the issues about Iraq at work today. I say bomb the fucking country and get that shit over with, I mean, they're all ugly people anyway. I say leave the good looking people on earth  Then again, I'd be pretty lonely....... LOLOLOLOLOL. I'm in love with a stripper.

Love? (post for Phon)

"Love"

Inspired by Phon

You know what? Who am I to be telling people what love is? I told myself I don't even believe in love, not anymore. After my last relationship, I began to think "love" isn't really a feeling. I came to a conclusion that love is like a substitute word to express one's feelings of ALL KINDS of feelings that's put into one. You miss them, wanna talk to them, can't help but to think of them, etc. etc., and love is just one word to sum it all up. It's really not a bad idea or conclusion, either. I don't think it's anything to believe in, it's not God or something. everyone has their own definition for this word, their own beliefs, their own perspective. After someone kept repeating to me "you don't believe in love," I thought about it. There's nothing to believe in. It's either you feel like you feel it, or you don't. The phrase, "you're too young to fall in love-" bullshit. Going through shit I've gone through, you're never too young for anything. It might be a little drastic, but you're never too young.

Don't get me wrong, there are many people who say it just to say it, like those elementary kids, but that doesn't count o_o Anyway, I'm gonna pause right here and answer your questions, Phon:

a) when ur down and you hear that person vioce it makes you happy what does that mean ?

b) when you can't stop thinking about the person and it makes you pick up the fone and call what does that mean ?

c) is it love ? or what ? because i know love hurts but dam is it suppose to be this fucked up ?!

a - Haha honestly, I think that's a ridiculous question to ask, but it's self explanatory, hearing his voice makes you happy, of course, lol

b - Anxiety? You think of him all day and if anyone calls out of the blue you automatically expects it to be him, right? Haha a little excited :P That's going to happen quite a few times xD

c - This is interesting. I believe that if you really do love someone, you don't even have to think twice. It's either you do or you don't, but you know you do if you're sure without questioning. Love doesn't hurt, you hurt. Love is just an verb or an adjective if you use it in my term (description of feelings, etc.). I don't think "love" can be "fucked up." The feeling takes over and makes you do crazy things, but the word itself never does anything to you. It's your own problem if you're in the situation you're in. Everything depends on your actions and your words as well as your significant other. Don't abuse the word like that.


For myself,

"Mr. Right"

I only call him that because I don't know his first name.. LOL. No, just kidding. Anyways - lately I have been conversing with a particular someone. At first, it was all fun and games; at least I thought it was.. I know I said I'd quit fooling around with guys for a while, but for some reason he's caught my attention. I'm a kind of person who is up for anything, but for some reason, I'm feeling scared. I like to say what comes, comes, what goes, goes, whatever happens, happens. I usually let whatever floats my boat go by, but now, it's like I know I can't adjust the wind, but I'm willing to adjust the sail. I hate the fact that my ability to feel is becoming more vulnerable each day. I was able to block them out and walk away, but I can't ignore the fact that I just fell for a stranger. I hate the way some people can completely take over my own emotions, but it's not like he's purposely trying to manipulate my feelings. I feel completely powerless when it comes to him. I feel like such a jerk. I treat him so horrible yet he's being a little angel, I hate it. Why in the hell would someone be so nice to me?! Anywho, it didn't take me awhile at all to realize that thoughts of him takes up my whole day. In the end, I can't complain about any of this. For the first time in a long time, I think I'm finally happy. Content, satisfied at least; some kind of giddy feeling that makes me wanna sing lalala all day  I couldn't be more thankful. My stress, my worries, they don't matter anymore. P.S. thank you, for everything.