Rude people, pegged legs, and photography

You try to help someone and then get insulted in the end, grrreeaaatttt.

Whatever, anyway, I slightly sprained my foot yesterday after I went jogging. I have weak legs/feet, especially my ankles and my knees. I've been having weird muscle spasms lately - well, I'm not sure WHAT it is, but it's weird. My back pains are going away, I suppose, but they're reoccurring. SO yes, yesterday I started jogging again. I can't believe over the years I let myself go. It's time I do something good for myself, although it's gonna be a long, hard road. I gotta get over my weak feet, though! I only went half a mile, but I guess you gotta start somewhere.

I gave up, it was too annoying. No idea how the HELL to use photoshop, nonetheless, I have no patience for it. Here it is:

Sometimes, water is thicker than blood.

As stated 2-3 posted below, my family isn't the average American dream family. Obviously, Linda and I don't meet eye to eye very often. I just love how she thinks she knows herself more than others do. No one can no themselves fully without the perception of others. Looks are deceiving, but sometimes they're pretty accurate, especially if you keep seeing the same picture more than once. So we argued through text, and I'm tearing her personality down, and she attacks me physical insults. Honestly, I don't give a shit what others think about me, so fucking be it if I'm weird to others, if I dress weird to others, so the fuck what? Am I trying to win some kind of award with my looks? Looks can only get you so far in reality. Actually, in reality, looks CAN get you so far, but there's so many nice looking people out there, what are the chances that you are going to win an Oscar for your perfectly blonde hair? Anyway, that's not the point. Her insults are proving my calling her ignorant. I'm so fucking sick and tired of all of these superficial bitches walking around with a disgustingly high ego, when really, they're nothing but filthy, and it's not that deep inside; it's so filthy that it makes me vomit to their outside. She thinks this whole argument is over the puppies. It's not just the puppies, it's her. I've been wanting for so long to tell her about her own pitiful personality. Of course she's gonna deny it, and give me the "Say what you want, I know how I am," talk, because she seriously thinks THAT much highly of herself that she blocks all the negative things out and pretend she's super duper awesome. Who the hell is she kidding besides herself? All she likes to do is pretend she's with the "in crowd" of the whole wide world, follow trends, jump on the bandwagon, of course, she's enlisted under the fashion industry; that is her major, after all. Why oh why does it have to be my sister. "My" "sister". And I quote that separately in the same sentence (although it's not a sentence) because it's that dramatic when I air quote myself. She gives me the "OH IT'S NOT LIKE YOU DON'T JUMP ON THE BANDWAGON, YOU JOINED FACEBOOK!" ordeal. No, I didn't join because it's the new cool thing, I join because that's the only way I can network. How am I to keep in touch with people when they're not using the same thing you are? If none of my friends switched to facebook, I would've stayed on myspace. This whole internet shit is so overrated, anyways, I can care less. I looooove how she judges me and everyone else everyday and then calls ME judgmental. She's 23. You would think she would've grown up a long time ago, but apparently she's still stuck in the high school department when it comes to drama and everything else related. I don't mind saying the same, cus shit, I AM in high school, but it's sad to say I'm a bit more mature than she is, most of the time. Everytime someone tries to get along with her, she likes to fuck it up because she's so snobby and into herself. She would ask me if I wanna go somewhere with her, and before I could answer, she'd be like, "Oh wait, I'm not Lily, nevermind," or if it's the other way around, and I ask her, and she'll say, "Why? I'm not Lily, you don't wanna go with me," WELL.. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I SAY YES OR ASK? She just never gives up when it comes to stupidity. She doesn't. At all. I admit, sometimes she can be chill, and just, a sister I never had, but too bad it lasts for a few moments. She'd rather be with her friends than her family any day, and right now, that doesn't seem to bother me as much because she's not the type of person I'd like to be my "sister". I give up on her. After I pay her back every cent she whines about, I will never talk to her unless it's an emergency somehow, but I doubt that would happen often. Sad that the only nice thing I could say about her is that she's creative and talented, other than that... nothing else comes to mind. I wish I could have more to say about her, but why would I wish that upon someone who's not worthy of anything that's humble and modest? I don't see how her friends see her the way she is. She's a complete. fake. And another thing, I love how she calls me spoiled. Yes, I'm spoiled because my mom and Lily buys me things because I work for it. Tooootallly spoiled. If anything, she's the spoiled brat; my mom helps her out all the time and she's never appreciative, all she does is curse out my mom and give her lip. That's basically a slap in the face. It's like, "Oh yeah, I just bought my daughter a car today, payed for her insurance, helped her out with her tuition, and in return, she curses me out and ignore me." I must admit, I'm not a golden daughter, and I can't say I haven't been a bitch to my mom before, but you know what? I always apologize to my mom and try to work things out with her and help her around the house. Sometimes my laziness takes a toll on me, but in the end, I try to show my mom I care for her despite my disrespect. It's not like I isolate myself in my room planning something to purposely disrespect her, if I could, I'd take back all the horrible things I've ever said to my mom. She does stupid things sometimes, but she doesn't deserve the disrespect that I ever gave her. Anyway, wow, I always get off track. You know what, I'm not skinny, I'm not pretty, I don't do 1000 hours of community service, but I would never, ever, trade lives with Linda, I don't understand how she wakes up everyday and put on a show for everyone. Longest show I've ever watched. Worst show, also. I don't even think I despise my brother as much as I do with her.

Lexi's first litter

Today, Lexi had her first litter of puppies. She was impregnated with my dog Tae, which is a half chow half retriever, odd mix, not to mention, she's a shih-tzu and he's a giant big thing of black. Anyways, it started from 9 AM to 3:30 PM. I can't believe I missed it. Linda's planning to give them away, not letting me have a say so, because she's a _______. She gave birth to five, however, one didn't make it.. it was a cute one, too.

A new beginning, after a new one, after another new one, and after that new one

It seems that all I've been wanting lately is a new beginning. I'm never satisfied. After so many big sucky events in my life, all I want to do is start over and forget everything in the past.

As a filler, I guess I'll sum up everything and then go from there.

This year went by pretty fast. Basically, I lost my bestfriends, all of my friends, rather. I've been feeling like the third and fifth wheel, maybe even the seventh. I don't know whether it's me overreacting, or them oversucking. I've been constantly ditched and neglected, but maybe it's me whos been thinking too much over situations. It was me who pushed them all away and it's me who misses them, but this time I won't bother going back because the same things will just keep happening. They were never too considerate of my feelings, although amongst the group, I seem to be the most bitter, most blunt, and mose careless. Still, I'm also as human as they are. These days, though, I feel like I'm better off. There are some times where I wanna run to them to giggle and gossip as girlfriends about the things we just can't tell anyone else because it's uncomfortable and no one else would understand, but then again it's not worth rekindling our friendships for that small part of sensation just to be fighting again in the end.

Last night my sister, Lily, told me that one of my exbestfriend's mom killed her husband and tried killing herself but failed and is now in jail. I wanted so bad to break away from my "ignore all of my friends from the past" attitude and go console her and be there for her. Knowing our friendship just isn't the same because of my overreactions, she probably doesn't even want me to try to stick around. Best wishes to her..

As I said, I'm better off without them. I've been doing the things that I've always wanted to do but never got to because I always felt burdened over something else. I'm getting my life back on track and it feels good. I've been trying to build a closer relationship with my family because that was always something I couldn't do since my friends got in the way; I'm not saying my friends are telling me not to get along with my family or anything like that, it's just that I'd rather hang with my friends then stick around at home doing nothing. To contradict myself, I actually love staying home doing nothing. My mom's the one who makes me having friends a complicated thing. She always think that they're bad influences on me, when I'm the one who wants to try new things. Either way, none of that really matters anymore. I've been hanging out with Kristyn alot. She's basically my only friend these days. I don't know where I would be without her. She's like that one person in the world who would always be that one clover of four amongst the patches of three when you feel like everyone and thing sucks. I'm starting to be more active like I was before, years ago. My mind is also rejuvenating from the stress and drama that it's been through. I've been trying to hang out with my sister, Linda more, because she's always so jealous that all I do is hang out with Lily versus her, but you know what, she also makes me feel left out when all her attention goes to my brother. I don't want her to think that just because she has cancer means I suddenly want to hang out with her. I want to because I do. I feel that our family needs to get our shit together and stop being so immature, fighting all the time and being smartasses around each other. All I ever wanted was a real family, but we can never really have that. Everytime I wanna hang out, she gives me lip and says, "oh wait, you don't wanna hang out with me, I'm not Lily," blah blah blah. That really annoys me, if I didn't wanna hang out with her, I wouldn't even bother asking. Anyway, we took a roadtrip to Baton Rouge. We also watched movies together, but I still think we need more quality time together on the long run. As for my brother, I don't think anything could be helped in that department.

School started recently. It's my last year of high school (hopefully). I'm taking Physics I (H), Advanced Math I (H), English IV (AP), Western Civilization (H), Biology II (H), Art I, Publications II/Art IV, and Family and Consumer Science. I don't know what college I want to attend yet, but I feel like I won't be able to make it to any. My new goal this year was to stop my procrasination but it's only week 2 and I'm already back to procrasinating. My future plans? I wanna become a chemical engineer under product design. It isn't my dream job, but it was the only one that pays big money. I just hope my potential is persistent so that I can get rich and branch off to photography and writing, and then on the side, open up a bakery, a coffee shop, and an art gallery. Anyway, that's about it.